8 Barriers that Stop Us from Decluttering... And 8 Tips to Overcome Them!
Decluttering and the decision making required to see it through doesn’t come easily to everyone. If you’ve started to declutter in the past but not got anywhere, I’m here to reassure you: there is nothing wrong with you. Say this out loud to yourself right now, with confidence: ‘There is nothing wrong with me’. Like anything, decluttering is a skill which for some, takes time, patience and commitment to refine. Practice makes progress.
Once you’ve made a start, decluttering isn’t made any easier when we’re faced with a barrage of obstacles that seem to stall us in our tracks. I like to call these moments ‘barriers to tidying’. These barriers are the thoughts in our head and the dialogue we have with ourselves that make us freeze and render us incapable of making a decision. In my experience with clients over the past 6 years, I’ve tracked hundreds of barriers that can potentially derail clients from completing all of their joy checks on items. And if you’re asking ‘what’s a joy check?’… This refers to the moment you hold an item in your hands and decide whether you want to keep it or let it go. So how can we navigate those moments when we feel ‘on the fence’ about an item? These are the moments where we may get emotional, angry with ourselves and ignite a spiral of negative self criticism. Interestingly, these are the moments we need to embrace. It’s time to get curious, not furious with ourselves. Allow those tears to flow, laugh at how ridiculous it is to get angry with yourself because at least you’re trying to make a decision! Furthermore, when you hear that voice inside your head telling you to stop because you’ll never get through the pile of items on the bed because you’re incapable and not good at decluttering, tell that negative character in your mind who spews nothing but hatred to take a back seat and to (putting it mildly) get lost!
Now you have some guidance on how to change your mindset in those moments, I’d like to share with you the moments (tidying barriers) to look out for. These 8 examples (complete with some helpful videos from my Instagram account) are the moments to welcome in some honest self-reflection with open arms. Tune in to what you really want and let go of your fear that comes with holding on to items when you really don’t have to.
1. Thinking ‘I may need this someday…’ (FEAR FOR THE FUTURE) This moment often comes up when clients fail to remember the reason to keep something in the first place. When they are unable to answer, it so easy for them to fall into the trap of ‘I might need it someday, so I’ll keep it’. Positive decluttering is all about rooting yourself to the present moment and aligning this with your vision for the future. Let go of why you purchased things in the past. Is this item actually going to serve you now and a year from now when your vision of your home sanctuary has been achieved? If not, let it go with confidence.
2. Not being able to give away an item because it was a gift (FEAR OF REPERCUSSION) - I get it, you’re worried about the person who gave the gift to you being hurt or disappointed. This moment occurs frequently with the clients I support. I tell them that the true purpose of a gift is to be received, and once it’s been received, it’s up to you what you do with that item thereafter. Let go of any sense of obligation or guilt - it’s now your choice about whether this item deserves a space in your home. And let’s be honest, how many times have the people who gifted you the item actually asked to see the item they bought you at a later date? Or worse, snooped around your home to see if it’s still there?! If the latter is the case, you may have a bigger problem on your hands: establishing clear boundaries with these people snooping around your home!
3. ‘This is sentimental, I don’t know what to do’ (FEAR OF ‘LETTING GO’ OF THE PAST) - You may experience this moment hundreds (if not thousands!) of times as you’re going through your items and deciding what you want to keep. Discovering something that is sentimental is like hitting a brick wall in tidying, rendering us incapable of making a decision in the moment. The good news is, you don’t have to make that decision right now. If you’re familiar with the KonMari Method of tidying, we declutter by category, following a very specific sequence in this order:
clothing
books
paperwork
komono (miscellaneous items)
sentimental
As you can see sentimental is the final category. The sequence has been expertly designed this way because sentimental items are the hardest items to make a decision about, therefore we save them until the very end of the process because that is when our decision-making toolkit and confidence has been refined. By asking yourself ‘Does this spark joy?’ and ‘Does this serve me practically?’ over and over again, you will feel empowered to make confident decisions about sentimental items when that times comes. So for now, put the sentimental item to one side, knowing that it will have it’s time and consideration from you later on. To learn more about the KonMari categories, click here.
4. ‘I bought this years ago, but I’ve never worn it’ (FEAR OF EMBRACING THE GUILT AND LEARNING FROM PAST EXPERIENCE) - Have you ever found the clothing tag on an item of clothing? This happens a lot with my clients, so you’re not alone! It’s normal to come across an item we’ve never worn or used. It’s also normal to experience a flood of guilt and a renewed sense of obligation to use this item now it’s come back on your radar. Alas, we need to come back to our two helpful questions: ‘does it spark joy in the present?’ and ‘can it serve me practically right now?’. If the answer is no to any of those questions, I kindly encourage you to accept the fact that your life has moved on, and the joy may have already been experienced in purchasing the item in the past. You haven’t worn or used this item for a reason - therefore, can it teach you something about what to avoid buying and allowing into your home in the future? Every item we say goodbye to has the potential to teach us something about our past consumer habits and is a catalyst for positive behavioural change.
5. ‘This used to look amazing on me, but it no longer fits…’ (HOLDING ON TO THE PAST / FAILURE TO EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE IN THE PRESENT) - Over time, our lifestyles change and so do our bodies! This barrier to decluttering often presents itself when we’re going through our clothing. You may find an item that once used to spark joy, but now it no longer fits you. In this circumstance, ask yourself whether the item is a motivator or demotivator. If you feel excited to see the item in your hands, and it inspires you to reach your goals to fit into it again, then keep it with confidence. It’s a motivator: just seeing the item there in your wardrobe will give you a dose of determination to continue working towards your vision and goals for the future. This is the positive emotion I’d like to item to create for you.
On the other hand, if you feel a sense of dread looking at the item, perhaps a feeling of guilt, shame and/or disappointment that you haven’t worn the item because it no longer fits, accept that this item is causing you to feel a negative emotion. It isn’t filling you with inspiration like the previous example. On the contrary, it’s dragging you down. This item’s existence in your home is making you feel bad about yourself. And this isn’t healthy. The truth is, it’s a demotivator and no longer serves you. Why should you keep something that brings you down? Take a deep breath, express gratitude for what the item has brought to your life previously, and let it go with confidence.
Please visit my blog post ‘What to do with Clothes That Don’t Fit’ if you need more support in this area.
6. ‘I wouldn’t be caught dead in this outside, but I’ll use it as loungewear…’ (LACK OF AWARENESS) - Why do we downgrade items to loungewear? I understand that in some situations this is helpful and serves us practically - for example, when we keep a designated ‘painting’ outfit or a some clothes specifically for gardening or engaging in crafts with our children. The problem arises when we designate a high proportion of our items to our ‘loungewear’ category or ‘to-only-be-used-at-home’ category. I believe our homes need to be our sanctuary; it’s the place we go to restore, rest and rejuvenate. Our home is the place where we work on ourselves the most. Our clothing needs to reflect our desired state of mind. If the clothing you wear at home makes you feel ‘meh’ or ‘ugh’, then there’s a high chance they’re going to have a negative impact on your wellbeing. So the next time you come across an item and feel the need to downgrade it to loungewear, think twice. Would the item be happier going into textile recycling instead?
7. I could make money from this if I sell it (FAILURE TO ASSESS THE TRUE VALUE OF YOUR TIME) - If you still have a ‘to-sell’ pile in the corner of your bedroom or hidden away in your wardrobe, this barrier may be the most relevant to you! Selling items successfully is all about creating a timeframe and establishing a deadline on when you want to sell the item(s) by, otherwise they will still be clutter taking up your physical space and mental space a year from now! Another helpful technique when you come across an item you to intend to sell is to consider how much money you make an hour in your professional life. Apply this value to how much time it takes to post the item on a website, follow up on messages from potential buyers, packing the item up, taking it to the post office etc. Does the money you gain from selling the item equate to how much money you would make in your professional life? If it does, then go ahead and sell it! If it doesn’t, think twice. Your personal time is valuable too!
8. ‘I spent so much money on this…’ (NOT LETTING GO OF GUILT) - I hear this a lot in reference to items that have barely been used. The reaction that follows is often one of guilt, shame and disappointment that my client has ‘wasted’ the money he/she spent on the item years ago. The truth is, the money is already gone, whether we like it or not. The item will continue to cost of money if you continue to hold on to it unnecessarily. It’s not paying you rent to take up residence in your home. It’s going to cost you so much more over the years as you contine to look at this item as a burden, which opens up guilt, shame, disappointment and now, resentment. Put the money you spent on this item to one side in your mind, and ask yourself ‘Does this serve me in my life right now?’. If the answer is no, you know exactly what to do.
This year, I’m running a ‘Declutter with me 2023’ challenge on Instagram and Facebook, where I break down decluttering into small steps, so if you need support and accountability, you’re more than welcome to join me on my socials. I also have a private Spark Joy London Facebook Group, which is a bit more intimate and allows for meaningful conversation and tips shared amongst our lovely community.